images-2Should I Really Join Facebook?

When I bought my iphone, I thought about the 30-year business I
ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music,
takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could
communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle
something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of
everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.

I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage
in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I
keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Bluetooth [it’s red]
phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was
standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone
in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing
aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean, the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into
in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,
“Re-calc-u-lating.? You would think that she could be nicer. It was
like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh
and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then, if I made a
right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship…

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of
the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone
as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I
still haven’t figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have
to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and

the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me.

They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store.

You would think they could settle on something themselves, but this
sudden “Paper or Plastic?” Every time I check out, just knocks me for
a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking
confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them.

When they ask me, “Paper or plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to
me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a
blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot.”

We senior citizens don’t need any more gadgets.

Author unknown